In these last days, I've been racing. Mentally, I am everywhere - and physically, I feel the need to be. The urgency of leaving makes the possibilities loom overhead, the sights, smells, tastes that I haven't experienced yet and could, but only in these last 10 days.
10 days.
I want to go to Chile. But there is a lot holding me back. I keep telling myself I will come back, and I truly hope I do. Maybe I'll wait, maybe not. I'm learning the practice of last-second travel more and more as I am here.
It's hitting me, albeit slowly, that I am not only leaving the country but the people. I am leaving cranky residencia staff, breakfast with homeade yoghurt, fresh squeesed orange juice, fried eggs with chewy bread and peeled whole kiwi.
I won't be able to complain about empenada's being all there is to eat, just to fall back in love with them the minute I bite into my hot, juicy 80cent dinner. It won't be normal to stand half-way in the road, searching for the right bus then curse that I only have 5 and 10's left in centavos. When I'm late for school, I won't take any more taxi's, or sit in a sweaty packed subte. I won't be able to walk a block in any direction and be able to buy whatever fruit I want, despite the disappointing quality, or stop in a kiosko for any late night snack need you can imagine.
I won't look down when I walk as much, in search of dog poo or misplaced cement blocks. I won't have to concentrate on not smiling or laughing as men whistle, make kissing noises, or whisper things like "que ojos! que hermosa," or "linda."
I won't be confused as much, wondering what people are saying, or what the heck Claro is saying every time they send me another prmotional text. I won't be able to pick up and travel as easily as I can decide to just lay in bed, I will have responsibilites. I wont be able to look out of my balcony to see if the laundromat, empenada or corner places are open. Or to see the over-burdened dog walkers. I will probobly never see so many small fluffy white dogs in one place.
I won't be able to walk to a zoo or a museum, get candied peanuts or a great steak, have the option of a carriage ride right next to a colectivo or taxi. I won't be able to justify every purchase by cutting the price 75%. I won't be able to go to one of endless giant ferrias to buy mate, crafts, or leather. I won't be able to talk about languages, accents, and adventures with people from al corners of the world.
I will miss the people - the travelers, CEAers, fellow states people, argentines, and the residencia crew. I will miss their quirks, their always-too-fast spanish, and our talks. I will miss getting to know people from scratch again - hearing stories, experiences, and opinions. I will miss playing polo, and just hanging out at the barn. Sipping mate to be polite even when the water is burning my mouth. I will miss every person who has helped me along the way : the girl on the bus to Pilar who just happened to know english, the driver, and my stop - the law student on the bus to Bolson who kept talking to me no matter how much I wanted to sleep. I will miss the small world moments like meeting Karen and both knowing Don, or having Julians uncle pick us up at a police station in Bariloche and bring us to his "hostel" which meant living with his mother and him for a night cooking, drinking beer and mate on the side of mountain. I will miss the travels - and all the memories accumulated - north to Iguazu, south to Bariloche and El Bolson, to the beach in Mar de Plata, the vineyards in San Rafael/Mendoza. I will miss my roomie and our crazy sleeping patterns, and her boy drama. Taking pictures with Jack, and walks with Joe.
I will miss so much more that I am sure I will write about later...but the point is that it is starting to set in. I'm gonna miss it. I will miss the freedom to do what I want, when I want. But there is so much to look forward to, and it is those thoughts - of sitting on the couch with my mom, sister, and dog watching grey's anatomy, of night swimming at the Bailey's, hummus at mellow mush, chilling with Fatima and Mack, driving with the windows down and country music turned up. All of these thoughts are meshing - the things I am waiting to miss, and the one's I ahve missed but will have so soon.
So I'm gonna try and slow down this mental, physical race. I'm going to try and enjoy the last 10 days in the same way I enjoyed my night tonight. Just chilling at a hostel, getting to know a few more people while drinking armenian coffee over a trilengual conversation of spanish, english and portugese. Just talking, reflecting, and enjoying the night.
So what are my plans from here? No clue. But for now, I'm gonna let the race slow down, and try to just soak it all up....while I can.
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